


Cancer, you've probably never heard of it.

by bbytaebin



Category: GOT7, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst and Humor, Hipster with Cancer, M/M, Terminal Illnesses, There are other characters but those are the main ones, that shouldn't be a lasting tag lets not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-10
Updated: 2015-03-10
Packaged: 2018-05-01 19:03:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5217212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbytaebin/pseuds/bbytaebin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Have you ever heard of the calm before the storm?"<br/>"Yeah, it's a metaphor, right?"<br/>Jackson looked over to Mark, half-ass chuckling softly and shaking his head.<br/>"Not necessarily."<br/>//<br/>Posted: November 15th, 2015<br/>Edited: March 10th, 2016</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cancer, you've probably never heard of it.

Jackson wasn't the most intelligent of people. But where he lacked in intelligence, he made right up for it by being poetic. Jackson was incredibly poetic, one of those nerds that took art classes, made rope bracelets and wore hipster glasses and vans with no socks. He was one of those kids. He also really liked this one kind of tea, but you've probably never heard of it.  
So when the popular kid Mark Tuan asked him out, he was waiting for the 'gotcha!' moment where somebody would pull down his pants or break his glasses, so he wore shorts under his pants, and wore his spare glasses. Even though he was sweltering in all his layers of clothes at the small café they went to, that didn't happen.  
And at the end of the night, when Mark said he'd like to see Jackson again, Jackson almost fell over onto the bench on his porch. Almost.  
The next day at school, Mark waved him over to the cool kids table, and when Jackson sat down, Mark did everything but sit in his lap. He played with Jackson's blond hair and pressed little kisses to his jaw, making little 'chu~' noises. Despite being one of the cutest beings alive, he was oddly intimidating when one of his friends asked why a loser like Jackson was there.  
"This is the cafeteria, correct?" Mark looked the boy dead in the eyes, Min Yoongi, that was his name. "Y-Yeah?" Yoongi stuttered back, apparently Jackson wasn't the only one who thought Mark was incredibly intimidating. "Well, in the cafeteria, people eat, and that's exactly what Jackson is doing." Mark's voice was eerily calm, and as Yoongi nodded, he did everything but tremble—though Jackson could see him quivering a bit. After Mark was done spitting out those words, his entire demeanour changed, and he was back to being adorable, and held Jackson's hand under the table.  
When Jackson told his friends about Mark, they almost didn't believe him. "By my calculations," Some kid from his math class who was friends with his friend BamBam spit out in a nasally voice, "he should've broke up with you approximately four dates ago."  
Jackson wasn't friends with many girls. All of them hung out with Mark's group of friends, but that changed when they found out Jackson and Mark were dating. Some of them squealed when they saw Mark kiss Jackson's cheek, and others wanted to vomit up their salad. Jackson was really thankful he had new friends, apart from his close friends BamBam and Jaebum.  
Some of Mark's friends were really nice to Jackson too. Two of Mark's extremely close friends Youngjae and Yugyeom were really nice. They always told people to leave when they were rude, and Jackson couldn't have asked for a better group to be around. His life was perfect.  
Until Saturday, September 14th. It was a regular check-up, his mother told Jackson. But when they got to the doctor, it was anything but. Jackson has terminal cancer. And they don't think he'll live to Christmas. His first Christmas with Mark. His first Christmas that he was going to be able to celebrate with friends like Yugyeom, Jaebum, BamBam, Youngjae all of them.  
Jackson went home and didn't cry. He didn't need to. He didn't have any tears to produce. He wrote a letter. To everyone, to his mother, Mark, BamBam, Youngjae, Jaebum, Yugyeom, and His new friend he met yesterday Hoseok. He stashed them all in the drawer under his desk. He called Mark, and fit 'I love you' into his sentences as much as he could. He could tell Mark knew he was acting weirdly affectionate, but didn't question his behaviour.  
When he went to school the next day, he acted as if everything was normal, as if there wasn't a disease nipping at the heels of his life. Cancer was, an odd thing. It was as if it liked to see you suffer. It would slowly consume you until you couldn't fight anymore. It would slowly take bits of your body, little by little, until nothing was left to take.  
Jackson didn't want pity. He didn't want the A's for no reason, or the cookies the staff made or Mark to worry about him.  
All Jackson wanted was to life the rest of his shortened life happily. And happy he was when he walked into school one day with his hair gone due to chemotherapy, and nobody said a word. He thinks that it had to do with Mark, and he smiles.  
And when Mark tells him he looks beautiful and still kisses his cheek in the cafeteria during lunch, and nobody makes him uncomfortable, Jackson thinks he could probably pass quietly.  
His mother agreed to not tell Mark or anyone outside of family about his diagnosis, minus teachers. They thankfully don't give meaningless A's or cookies, and Jackson even fails a test, just to make sure. But Jackson doesn't miss the pitiful looks faculty shoot him in the hallways or outside.  
And as the months go by, and Jackson gets weaker and weaker, Jackson prepares himself for the inevitable. He doesn't want to leave Mark, he doesn't want to make him sad, but there are some boundaries love cannot cross, and death is one of those.  
Death was one of those things that people were afraid of. Jackson was afraid of death. Maybe not so much death, but the inevitability and uncertainty that came with it. He didn't like that he didn't know what happened. But death didn't seem like it was going to be doing a "behind-the-scenes" anytime soon, so Jackson was still scared, and still sad.  
But every second he could, he was with Mark. And Mark didn't mind, he was just as happy to spend every living second with Jackson as he could. They would often have sleepovers, and play video games and giggle uncontrollably until ungodly hours in the morning. And if Jackson was to die with Mark, he would be okay.  
But one morning, laying in bed, he came to a realization. Mark would never be okay if Jackson died and they were together, he knew Mark, and Mark would care too much. Maybe, to save Mark, he would have to hurt himself. God, this would hurt so much. So goddamn much. The burning ache in his heart was resonating to his whole body. He would have to sever ties with Mark. Jackson never wanted to do this. Never ever. He would stay with Mark forever if he could. So he told his mother he was going out, and walked to Mark's house. He knocked on the door, and Mark's mother was so accustomed with Jackson coming over she let him in right away.  
Jackson could feel his heart break even more with every step he took upstairs. The dull ache got stronger, and it made tears spring to Jackson's eyes. He hastily whiped them away, making his way to Mark's door. He knocked. "Are you decent?" Jackson called, trying to sound as upbeat as he could. His mother told him on his way out, that the doctor called. He had less than a week left.  
Mark opened the door, smile lighting up his handsome face. Jackson sat down on Mark's bed. Mark sat down beside him. "Why are you here? I mean, not that I don't want you here, I jus-" Jackson sniffled, and Mark stopped dead. "Why are you crying? Is it my fault, I'm so sorry! I did-" he was cut off again by Jackson.  
"Have you ever heard of the calm before the storm?"  
"Yeah, it's a metaphor, right?"  
Jackson looked over to Mark, half-ass chuckling softly and shaking his head.  
"Not necessarily."  
Mark was confused. What did he mean? Why was his beautiful boyfriend crying, who made him cry?  
"We have to break up." Jackson said, his eyes not leaving Mark's. Jackson could see the wheels turn in Mark's head. He smiled turned to a frown. He saw Mark bite his lip, and he knew Mark was trying not to cry. Jackson could practically hear Mark's heart shatter. Jackson placed a letter on Mark's bed.  
Jackson sadly got up, and placed a small kiss on Mark's cheek, and he could tast the saltiness of Mark's tears. He walked out, and walked down the stairs and tears rolled down his cheeks. He walked out of the house, not bother to bid Mark's mom's goodbye.  
And as he walked towards his house, he decided he wasn't going back to school tomorrow.  
Mark trudged his way to school the next morning, his eyes primed with red, bags under them. "You goin' on a trip? Youngjae asked when Mark got to school. "No, why?" Mark's voice was hoarse from crying. "Well, with all the bags under your eyes, thought you were packing one." Youngjae laughed, but stopped in the middle to ask a question Mark wished he wouldn't. "Where's Jackson, you two are usually attached at the hip? Well maybe the hand would've been a be-"  
Mark blocked out Youngjae's rambling to think. Where is Jackson? His first class was Science, and they had that together. Maybe Mark would get Youngjae to ask Jaebum later, just out of curiosity. Because as much as he liked to pretend people couldn't tell he was hurting, Youngjae pointing it out made it obviously known people a mile away could tell.  
And when Mark didn't get an answer, and Jackson didn't come to school for four weeks, he was concerned, especially when nobody would answer Jackson's door.

Jackson coughed for the third time in twenty seconds. Today was it. He was at the hospital. He looked out the window, and chuckled pathetically. Here's where he would die. On December 24th, while he watched people with bags go home to their healthy families through the window.  
Jackson's life was pathetic. He just sat here, his mother, BamBam, Jaebum and Jinyoung surrounding him. They were all giving him gifts. Jackson didn't need gifts. He was going to die, couldn't they tell? They were all spending money pointlessly, wasting it when it could be used for other things.  
"Mother, pass me the bear on that shelf please." Jackson croaked, pointing at the bear. His mother handed it to him, and he gave it to BamBam. "Give this to Mark for me, plea-" he was cut off by another coughing fit, and BamBam nodded sadly.  
The doctor came in and dragged his mother out of the room, and when she came back in, her eyes were rimmed with red, and she smiled sadly at him, her lip quivering.  
\--  
Jackson Wang died on December 25th, 2014. He died surrounded by close family and friends, and passed peacefully while sleeping.  
\--  
BamBam walked to Mark's house, lightly kicking snow, a stuffed bear tucked under his arm. He looked sadly down at the bear. He knocked on Mark's door, and Mark's mom opened the door. "Hello! Are you a friend of Mark's?" BamBam couldn't bring himself to say yes, but nodded. "Oh, he's right upstairs! Merry Christmas!" BamBam took of his boots, and nodded, wishing her the same.  
When he went upstairs to see Mark, he felt his eyes well up with tears. Mark opened the door just as BamBam got there. "Hey." Mark said. "Uh, hi. This is for you." BamBam awkwardly held out the bear to Mark.  
"This is for me, from you?" Mark asked, confused about why one of Jackson's friends would get him a Christmas present. "You might want to sit down while I tell you this, maybe get your mom too." BamBam said.  
They all went to the kitchen and sat down. "Well, you and Jackson broke up, right? Well, I'm here to tell you why." BamBam didn't want to do this, he wanted to crawl under a rock and die, while mourning his best friend. But this was Jackson's last wish. And BamBam would personally see to it that it would be completed.  
"Did you read the letter he gave you?" BamBam asked Mark. Mark shook his head bashfully. "Well, Jackson is d-dead, okay!" BamBam couldn't sugar-coat it, couldn't make it sound any better. Jackson was dead. His best friend was dead.  
"W-What do you mean?!" Mark yelled. "Jackson had terminal cancer, and he knew after he was gone you'd be sad, so he thought that separating form you would make you less sad! It wasn't his fault! He loved you with all his heart. The last thing he said to me was that he loved you. No 'you're a good friend BamBam.' or 'BamBam, I'll miss you.'! It was only 'Tell Mark I love him.' even though I was there, and you weren't!  
And Mark closed his eyes. The rest of the day was a blur. BamBam left, and he opened the letter.

_Dear Markie poo,_

_I love you. I love you so much. Even though you're mad at me and I know that, I won't stop loving you. Your mom will take care of you through this, I'm sure. I'm also sure my mother will too, since she's practically your mom too. And when you're sad, just know that I'm there, making that dumb face that always made you shoot milk out your nose._   
_Even when you did that, you were the most handsome milk-shooter I know. While you were gone, Min Yoongi came to visit me. One of the teachers told him what happened. He's dating Jinyoung, and they're pretty cute together. I hope one of them doesn't die from a terminal cancer. Oh, was that too soon? I apologize, you know I have no concept of feelings like you do._   
_You were always the cutest little gumdrop, you know? You probably do, since you're better at reading my emotions than myself. I always liked that about you, the fact you so effortlessly noticed and saw things I couldn't._   
_Well, you're coming over in a few minutes, I better go. All those times I never let you see in my drawer, this is why. Thank you for making me feel like a pretty princess, when in reality, I was just a sick hipster._   
_You're talking to my mother downstairs, and sometimes I worry she loves you more than she loves me. She always asks me when you're going to come over, and embarrassing questions I'm afraid I'll get so red writing down you'll suspect something, so I'll just let your mind wander trying to figure it out what questions they are, Mark._   
_Have I mentioned I love you, because I do, I love you more than the sky is wide, and I hope you'll find someone new to love just as much._   
_See you later, alligator._

_With extreme love and affection,_   
_Jackson Wang._

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a shirt Drabble about lovesick Jackson.  
> (but now he really was loveSICK)
> 
> I'm so sorry  
> (no I'm not)


End file.
